7.00 am
I’m in the kitchen, still half-asleep, holding my coffee when my phone buzzes.
It’s Giulia, one of my closest friends.
She sends me a photo of Joey, her baby boy, just born a few days ago.
I stare at the photo, filled with awe. The human body, the miracle of life… it’s incredible. I keep looking at it, soaking in that warm feeling, until suddenly, a shadow creeps in.
Those questions that show up uninvited..
“What am I doing? Where am I going?”
Everyone around me seems to be getting married, having children, building something. And me? I’m in Chiang Mai. No fixed base. No partner. No children.
So… what exactly am I building, aside from my business?
If I take that away, what’s left?
Getting to 38 and wondering if it’s already too late to have kids or a family… let’s be honest, it’s a common thought. Great way to start the day, right?
The growing up questions
Even though I don’t fully believe that, I do recognize that a woman’s biological clock only goes so far. And let’s face it, who really wants to be raising toddlers past 40/45? When he turns 20, I’ll be 60. What kind of energy will I have?
So then I ask myself:
If I don’t have kids, what then?
If I don’t find a connection or a deep relationship with someone,
what am I going to build?
Maybe all these questions are really just fears in disguise.
Fears of being alone.
So, Do I want Kids?
From my perspective, a child should be born from a deep love between two people, surrounded by a supportive community that helps the family grow and thrive.
I also believe children benefit from having two parental figures. Not necessarily a man and a woman, but two different ways of thinking, two ways of being, two strong pillars to lean on.
So when I ask myself if I want a child right now, my honest answer is:
No—but yes, if it’s with a partner.
Of course, I’m curious about the transformation of my body, about experiencing motherhood from a human and evolutionary perspective, it truly fascinates me.
But curiosity alone isn’t enough.
And I know very clearly what I don’t want: to raise a child on my own, without a partner or a strong support community. Yes, sometimes I do feel the ticking of the clock, whispering that if I want this, now is the time to decide.
But still, I won’t take that step unless it comes from love, shared and real.
Relationships
Let’s be real.
When it comes to romantic relationships, my history reads like a collection of beautiful disasters.
The universe also seemed to have a particular sense of humor when it came to the men it sent my way. And while yes, I absolutely take responsibility for my choices, I can’t help but I’ve always been drawn to the eternal Peter Pans, men with no roots, no commitments, just a hunger for fun and discovery.
Maybe it’s not just them.
Maybe it’s me, because for most of my life, I’ve felt split in two.
One part of me is responsible, grounded, and logical.
The other is impulsive, wild, and drawn to chaos and wonder.
And until I was 30, the wild one was driving the car. (To be honest, she still climbs in the front seat now and then at 37, but these days, she rides shotgun.)
However,
Something shifted.
I started craving a different kind of connection.
Not just butterflies and passion and dreamy adventures.
But someone who stays when things aren’t perfect. Someone who shows up not only in the good moments, but in the quiet, messy ones too.
Someone I can lean on when the road gets rocky, someone who offers safety, presence, and real love, without needing to be asked.
Someone I can have a child with.
And maybe that’s what I’ve been building all along.
Not just a business, not just a life of freedom, but a version of me that’s ready.
Ready for a deeper kind of love.
One that’s steady. Honest. Grounded.
One that might just hold the space for everything else I’ve been wondering about.
Community
And then there’s the question of community.
If I keep traveling, how do I really build one?
What even is a community?
Is it a group of people who show up when you need them?
People who know your story, not just the highlight reel, but the in-between moments too?
If that’s the definition, maybe I already have one. It’s scattered across continents, in different time zones and languages… but it’s there.
What If I never stop moving, will it ever feel truly rooted?
Or is that just another outdated idea I’m holding onto?
Is it really that hard to build a sense of belonging while living on the move?
Or is it just a matter of making different choices?
Travel or love?
Freedom or connection?
Adventure or foundation?
Why do I have to choose? I want all of it! But as we know, life doesn’t always work that way, sometimes, one path rules out another, and you’re forced to decide. Because saying yes to one thing often means saying no to something else.
So… What Now?
And just like that, one cup of coffee, one photo, and one message opened the floodgates.
This morning, while the world seems to keep moving forward with purpose,
I find myself standing still, asking myself how to take the next step toward the life I want.
And once again, wondering…
What shape do I want to give to this life of mine?
Veronica,
Currently in Chiang Mai.
“Where morning mist wraps the hills and I forget what I came to forget.“
Work Unplugged 
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